


Collide

by JulzSnape



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Poetry, Loneliness, M/M, POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV First Person, Quotations, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 17:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19856290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulzSnape/pseuds/JulzSnape
Summary: You don’t smile, but there’s a light in your eyes, a question and a request all in one.‘Love me’, they say.As I lean forward and slowly press my lips against yours, our eyes meet.‘I do.’





	Collide

You had been down for a while. Those close to you knew it, but they struggled to know how to help. Sometimes there’s just no good answer when the problem is depression and loneliness. It’s isolating and no matter how lonely you are, no matter how much you want someone to just reach out and hold you, you push everyone away instead. Because there’s this little voice inside telling you that you’re alone for a reason, that you don’t deserve comfort, love, or partnership. 

But that’s not true.

The room is dark, but there’s enough light shining in through the window from the moon and streetlights to see by. It’s windy and there’s a hint of a storm on the horizon. It’s humid and sticky, but the breeze feels good on your overheated skin. You’re sitting on the edge of your bed, your forehead cradled in your hand. You’re drunk, as usual. You’re exhausted, as usual.

You want to help Sam research next door in his motel room, but all you can think about is crawling into bed and drinking more, maybe watch something on Netflix to occupy your mind. You need something to focus on. Anything that isn’t that voice telling you those terrible things about yourself, things you secretly agree with and think about over and over again at night when you can’t sleep.

You look up when your door opens and I quietly slip in, offering a gentle smile. I don’t say anything; I don’t need to. You don’t move, waiting for my next move as I slowly walk up to you, close enough now that our knees our almost touching as I lift my hand and softly cup your scruffy cheek. You don’t smile, but there’s a light in your eyes, a question and a request all in one.

_‘Love me’_ , they say.

As I lean forward and slowly press my lips against yours, our eyes meet. 

_‘I do.’_

My hands slide up from cupping your jaw into your hair and I let the strands slip between my fingers as I nip at your bottom lip, asking permission to taste you. You sigh brokenly and tilt your head back, deepening the kiss as your hands find my hips and pull me onto your lap. Your hands are big and warm as you grasp my ass, pulling me closer as you explore my mouth with your tongue. I shudder, wrapping my arms around your neck as I grind closer. 

Your kisses border on desperate, but have an edge of intensity that causes an ache deep in my chest. You have so much love to give, so much to offer the world. You want to share your life, share that love. Your curse in life is having a huge heart and so many feelings that you just want to share with someone special. 

I feel the warm tears on your cheeks mingling with my own as I run my hands through your hair and hold you close; our kisses are not as deep, but just as intense. Your hands rub up and down my back and I rest my forehead against yours as our kiss finally breaks apart.

“ _‘I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions,’_ ” I whisper against your lips as I gently scratch my nails against your scalp and through your hair.

“Well, we all know what the road to hell is paved with,” you reply, which startles a laugh out of me before I claim your lips in another breathtaking kiss.

For today, at least, we have each other. I sigh as we hold each other, hoping you’ll one day understand how much love I have to give, and let me show you how much I want to make you happy. But for now: things fall apart; the center cannot hold, turning and turning in the widening gyre. The best people are full of passionate intensity, while the worst lack all conviction.

We hold each other through the night, your arms holding me against your chest as I brush my lips against your neck. Vexed to nightmares by a society, that rough beast, who tells us we must suffer alone, we are used to losing sleep. The darkness drops again, but now I know that one night with you feels like twenty centuries of safe, soft sleep.

And then you smile at me, and I am content.

**Author's Note:**

> Works Cited:
> 
> Burroughs, Augusten. "Magical Thinking." St. Martin's Press, October 2004.
> 
> Yeats, William Butler. "The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats." The Second Coming. 1989.
> 
> Yes, some of the lines I used from The Second Coming were changed or twisted to fit my needs. It's my favorite poem, and I love using it and its flexible themes in my writing.


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